I drank my milk and all I got was fat.

My mom used to say, "Finish your milk so you can grow up to be fat and sassy!"  Us three kids tilted our glasses back and guzzled that shit.

I don't drink milk anymore because I aspire to be one of those little old ladies who wilt under the weight of their knit sweaters and break bones when the wind blows too hard.  Also cuz it makes me fat.

Milk is for baby cows.  Do you know how much fat they (probably) put in baby food?  Babies are nothing but fat.  They're like one big, wrinkled ball of fat except way less cool because they make lots of noise and wet themselves.

But I'm not a baby.  At least in the physical sense.  I don't need the delicious fat of mother's milk anymore, I need beans and rice and beer and shit.  I'm a grown woman and I'm tired of having that little extra on me that the boys seem to like so much.

I hate it.  I'll take a woman with a little on her but I don't want to be one.  Also I don't like boys.